Spirited Attempt

I stopped myself from entitling this post 'Spirit Crap' as I was oh-so-tempted to do. Thought it was a bit of an obvious joke.

Yes, today's posts shall cover the joys of the Brit-flick-horror that is 'Spirit Trap'.

Have to say before I start on this post; I may sound a bit like I'm tearing this movie to pieces or that I think it's terrible. I don't. I actually really enjoyed watching this movie and have rewatched it several times since. However, for those who haven't seen it, from a filmic perspective it is a truly terrible horror movie. Imagine Scooby Doo crossed with The Haunted House remake only mixed in with a cringe-worthy script and a questionable plot line. I know, I'm not really selling this to ya. Unfortunately I can't lie about it - it is bad. But as I have said and will say again: I love it to bits.

The story of the movie runs thus (turn away from this review if you don't want any spoilers): Five students rent an old house in London happy to have found somewhere so cheap to live. One is a daughter of a spirit medium (played by Billie Piper), one a slightly nerdy graphics design student (Sam Troughton), one a drug dealer (played by Luke Mably) and his semi-actress girlfriend (Emma Catherwood) and then one is the mysterious Tina (played by Alsou - who I understand is a singer and probably responsible for the track on the end credits). As mysterious events start to occur, causing some of them to go a little crazy, they have to unlock the secrets of the house and try and escape alive. Or something along those lines. I don't think I really need to say much more.


Ok, so what makes this movie so terrible? Well for a start it has some god-awful lines said by actors who are obviously not wholly confident in their acting skills. Billie Piper perhaps suffers worst as she has various pagan/witchy type subjects to chatter about which always sound bad, no matter who says them. Although they are vaguely neccesary for the plot to progress, personally I would have written them out altogether and found some other device. Especially as poor Sam has to listen and respond to these lines... and it's surprising that he actually succeeds reasonably well in this field. Maybe it's because his most common response to her (slightly whingey) rants about the spirit world is a sympathetic 'Yeah...'.

"You're obviously missing her, give her a call."
"I can't. She's dead."

He even manages to tell the story of his dead brother without it sounding contrived... which in essence the entire story and all it's connecting ones are. And when Billie's character says, immediately afterwards, the old 'You can't blame yourself, let it go' line (and you want to hit her for this obvious and very unhelpful remark said in a rather patronising tone) you feel thankful that he kisses her rather than either a) sniggering at the terrible line or b) (in character) giving her a slap across the back of the head and leaving before she can give anymore helpful tips.

The most terrible lines for me came after the finding of the diary in the clock. This is nothing to do with the actors, the lines are just so obvious ("The last entry was 100 years ago today" etc etc) and very tacky. However, they do at least tie in nicely to the plot when the murderer in the room upstairs mistakes their talking about the book and it's owner for them talking about his murdering of his girlfriend. That, sadly, is about the cleverest bit in the entire movie.

Following this there is a flashback about what really happened to the owner of the diary (including a fairly gruesome murder scene - crucifixions always disturb me) but the effect was slightly spoilt by the odd accent of the woman in the scene. I'm pretty sure they never actually say where she's from, only that in being in England she was in a foreign country. I read a review that guessed her accent was Russian (because the actress is) but in the flashback it seems more like a strained American accent and becomes more and more American as the movie progresses. Unfortunately for the people who made this movie, this accent mystery became more important to me than the mysteries in the actual story. But that's what happens when you don't pin down your accents properly.

The special effects are fairly impressive. If they weren't trying to be quite so stylish it could have really worked for me. The simpler bits work better. For instance when they run out of the front door only to find themselves running straight back into the house again. Not an entirely original concept but it's one I like and that works. More of the same could have worked wonders. The fight scenes (between Sam's character and the main villian) are pleasantly messy. I don't mean gory, I mean that they have that sort of realistic clumsiness that I've missed in this age of Matrix-style choreography. According to the interviews on the DVD Sam actually got so into the fights he fell and knocked himself out. Which makes the fights seem even better!

The ending is nice and realistic as well which is unusual as most horrors I have seen recently come to a grand climax of unspeakable terror and over the top special effects. This climax is merely violent and a tad nasty. In fact, considering the unpleasant end the villian meets, it seems surprising to me that it doesn't appear to unsettle the surviving heroes much at all. They get freaked out by a leaking roof but they can handle gruesome death which they themselves were responsible for? Bizarre.

The best part of the movie for me, aside from some quite pretty ghost moments, was the spooky dream sequences within the University Accomodation Office/Afterlife. Yes I know that sounds like a strange crossover, but it really works. Mostly because anyone whose ever had to apply for anything in a major city will recognise that eerie, empty look of those type of buildings that seem so modern but feel so unfriendly. I love that atmosphere, it sparks so many great ideas, and I'm glad that they use it that way in this movie. However, they don't use it nearly as much or as well as they should and it's a pity as it could have been their biggest asset. The house itself (creaky old mansion with a dark and spooky cellar etc) has been done to death and is in no way horrifying to a modern audience. Maybe it was the comparison between the two that made the Afterlife segments seem spookier to me. Who knows...

WORST SAM LINE: This is crazy! This is fucking crazy!
BEST SAM LINE: You...

If you want to see a movie where Sam pushes his eyeball stretching wide-eyed look to the limits then this is definitely your movie. Provided you're not looking for a sensible/original plot, well developed characters/accents or any thrills and scares beyond a little mindless violence and the obligatory sex scene. Or for that matter any sensible dialogue. It also includes Sam getting beaten up a lot and snogging Billie Piper - which depending on your tastes could be a good or a bad thing. Oh, and I'd love to know where Billie picked up that odd little Sherlock Holmes style cape thing she wears through the second half of the movie. A very peculiar choice.

And so, a run-down of this one-in-a-million film...

As a Film/TV Episode: 2 out of 5
As a Sam feature: 5 out of 5
WARNINGS: Although pretty laid back for the most part, this movie does contain sex and the odd extremely violent scene. And some really bad acting.